Lately, I’ve been realizing many things. These realizations tend to give my life a new meaning and a new perspective. I’ve written about it previously, but I’ll mention it again. This is that realization which says that every human is as important as the other. Its a very common thing to say perhaps, but its highly difficult to realize. I talk about this often as this fact strikes me everyday.
I get up every morning, thinking about my own day and everything that can go wrong with it...but when I step out of the door and face the world and its faces, I can’t stop myself from imagining their stories and realizing again, that at that very moment, all those faces have a reason to live....not because they are an “extra” in my story or a supporting actor perhaps...but because they are the lead of their own amazing story. They live with the knowledge that their story must go on...because its important...in their own minds.
I go to sleep thinking about the faces and how I no longer am the protagonist of my own story. My mind gives way to million other stories, which are so gloriously beautiful, that it no longer feels like concentrating on one trickling story...which is my own. Every night I cease to be the protagonist because I choose to...but also there is no other protagonist...my mind becomes a book of short stories.
However, again when I wake up the next morning, perhaps because of natural human instinct, I go back to how my day will proceed, how she will react to what I say, what impression I’ll have on him and so on...but realizing everyday, that its not all about I, me or myself, just by observing random faces of people I may never know, is strange indeed...
Coming to the second observation, I feel I’m losing the power of youth. There was a point in time when I strongly believed that I had no limits...that I can’t perish under any circumstance...but sadly, I suddenly have come to realize that I actually have my limits, which were previously blurred by the illusion of youth. I’ve found that I’m neither perfect nor the best but I’ve found joy in this very fact.
My mind has lost most of its power...things are draining out and I do not know why. They say...a mind can never cease to grow...and I do hope earnestly that they are right. I can’t remember things...things which are supposed to be remembered forever...they are lost in the maze of my memories. Sometimes, I feel that its a gift...to forget...and sometimes I feel that its a curse. I think I owe my lack of emotions and inability to cry truly, to this power of forgetfulness.
The best part is that I’ve learned to control my memories. I can choose to forget and remember at will, which is another drawback of draining youth (and I'm not as old as this sentence suggests. 17. In fact, I'm supposed to be gaining youth instead of seeing it drained). Dark lanes of my past are still hidden somewhere in my mind...but when I choose to remember them I simultaneously choose to not remember the feelings and my association with that moment. This is perhaps why recently, moments of nostalgia get me into an utter state of confusion...because nostalgia brings back feelings, without my permission,...and I’ve been living all along thinking that I’ve forgotten how to feel.
...and well, when the happy moments get in the way, all I can gift it, is a moment of gratefulness...because I’ve forgotten how to cherish memories...I can only live the moments now (another excuse to click tons of groupfies).
Third. I’ve also realized that its a sin to stop dreaming. Its never too late to be someone we have always dreamed to be. For instance, I’ve always wanted to be someone who’s above the crowd, someone different, someone who is known for having done something worth doing. This is also why I do not regret becoming the protagonist every morning...after all, its not so bad to think about our own selves.
I’ve always wanted fame, knowledge and prosperity...and I believe that its not only my dream...this dream belongs to all those random faces in the crowd who get up thinking about themselves and end up trapped in another story which isn’t their own. I want to live their dream and follow my own too in the pursuit of finding a reality better than all our dreams. I know, its too much to ask for...but I don’t expect anything miraculous to happen...and neither do they. All those faces who stare blankly at the stars thinking of red carpets, lush gardens and abundant love from all who can acknowledge the same stars, are the ones who truly know what it is to live a dream within a dream...and honestly, sometimes, just sometimes, dreaming is way better than realizing that very dream.
"I have a dream."
...and I suggest you do too.
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Date: 3rd March, 2015
Time: 10:03 AM
